Women from all over the metro had a chance to unwind and offload at a domestic and gender-based violence talk hosted at Lansdowne SAPS last week.
The talk, on Saturday March 18, hosted by the Family Support Movement non-profit organisation based in Hanover Park, involved various speakers who told their stories about abuse at the hands of their family members.
Social worker Evolino Adams, founder of the Family Support Movement established in 2020, said she decided to host the talk because government needed to be aware that some police stations still did not have the proper training or equipment to help women who report abuse. She said there was a desperate need for more help and that women needed to support each other, especially at court cases which was very daunting.
She said that mental healing for trauma victims was so important.
Ms Adams said it was important to keep children occupied so that they didn’t fall into the vicious cycle of gangsterism and crime because once they were in it, they couldn’t get out. She said she keeps her children busy with extramurals so that they don’t have time for mischief.
“Children are not the same anymore, they have no respect for their parents or teachers. We have to hope that in the next five years that we will still have teachers so that our children can learn,” she said.
Mitchell’s Plain Cluster Community Police Forum (CPF) chairman, Rafique Foflonker, said it is vital for a domestic violence victim to develop an exit plan before they left their abusive partner. This can be discussed and planned with a police officer or CPF member, he said.
“Men can also become victims of gender-based violence. Victims can also become perpetrators because of years of built-up frustration so one day you just snap and attack the perpetrator. That is why you must get help before it’s too late. Make a decision to get out of the situation. Develop an exit plan. Pack a bag of clothes and (get a) place with a family member. Get a protection order. Get a CV sorted and open a bank account,” he said.
Lansdowne police station’s spokesman, Sergeant Nkululeko Mnyaka, said it was important to know that a gender-based violence victim can ask for a male or female police officer to talk to in their preferred language. He said that if victims are not comfortable with speaking at the desk they can be taken to the victim support room.
“Don’t keep it in, come out with it and get help. Some people are scared of our uniform, so if you want to speak in the victim support room you can. You have the right to support and to ask the police officer assisting you for their name. They know they must have a name tag.
“Women can be the perpetrators too. Sometimes victims are not ready to give a statement when we attend to a domestic abuse scene so what we do in that case is report what we see in the house and the detective will come back and interview the victim at a later stage when you are calm and ready,” he said.
Charmaine Cupido from Delft, told her story about domestic violence at the hands of her husband who she was married to for 30 years. She said that the abuse stemmed from her childhood when she didn’t know who her father was and was looking for a male figure to replace him with so when she met her husband she found that in him and although the abuse started when they were dating, she got married in hope that he would change and that she could make him love her.
“When I was on high school he helped me a lot. I admired the way be played dice. I thought that is what a real man looked like, I confused the powers, man versus might, and that is where I went wrong there.
“My mom was mentally sick so I was also carrying all of that baggage. The thing about women is that we are loyal and will always try our best. He helped me and I paid him back for 30 years,” she said.
The abuse started with her husband who was her boyfriend at the time smacking her. When she got home, her mother would beat her too. She said this was the downfall of the community; hitting instead of talking or explaining why you were upset or what the child did wrong.
She said part of why she stayed was she had no support. She was isolated in Delft, far away from anyone she knew and when the abuse peaked, her neighbours started closing their doors, scared that she and her five children would run to their homes for refuge.
“It is therefore important to look deeper at why people are the way they are because of what they have had to endure in their lives.
“As a young child I had to be a mother to my sister, something that also affected me. The cycle of abuse is so intoxicating – one day he hit me, the next he brought me ice cream. I was addicted to the abuse. He helped me through high school so I had to pay with sex. I drowned in the situation I was in but I am so thankful that I didn’t turn to drugs,” she said.
She said the thing about abuse was that even when the physical scars healed, the mental trauma was still there.
Ms Cupido’s oldest child became involved in gangsterism because of the abuse. She said her children were ashamed and embarrassed and her son sought refuge in a gang. One Sunday evening her son was shot and killed and that was the eye-opener for Ms Cupido that she needed to get out before her other children would have the same fate.
She said women go back because of what they endure at police stations when reporting crimes.
“There is nothing in Delft, no safe houses. We need to empower women to take their own power back. Community leaders must be the survivors of the abuse, not people who know nothing about what we come from,” she said.
Doctor Janine Josias, from the Thuthuzela Care Centre at Karl Bremmer Hospital, focuses on rape and domestic violence. She said the waiting list for victims to see a social worker could take up to seven months. Victims had to wait too long for services and that is why many of them don’t report crimes, she said. There is lots of work for SAPS to do because people were still being victimised in a victim support room, she said.
“We need watch dogs every step of the way to make sure that people are doing their jobs properly. Many people don’t want to go to the police station, so you can come to us.
“Thuthuzela is a one-stop station where you will get all the help you need. When you walk out you feel clean and dignified because we do the rape kit, and provide showers and clean clothes for you. We keep evidence up to three months to give you time to decide if you want to make a case.
“Counselling is so important, we also offer telephonic counselling for those who can’t get off from work,” she said.
Women from all over the metro had a chance to unwind and offload at a domestic and gender-based violence talk hosted at Lansdowne SAPS last week.
The talk, on Saturday March 18, hosted by the Family Support Movement non-profit organisation based in Hanover Park, involved various speakers who told their stories about abuse at the hands of their family members.
Social worker Evolino Adams, founder of the Family Support Movement established in 2020, said she decided to host the talk because government needed to be aware that some police stations still did not have the proper training or equipment to help women who report abuse. She said there was a desperate need for more help and that women needed to support each other, especially at court cases which was very daunting.
She said that mental healing for trauma victims was so important.
“Certain things trigger the trauma that you experienced so we work with those individuals for holistic healing. We also help the perpetrator if they want help, and we also work with the whole family. We also assist drug addicts,” she said.
Ms Adams said it was important to keep children occupied so that they didn’t fall into the vicious cycle of gangsterism and crime because once they were in it, they couldn’t get out. She said she keeps her children busy with extramurals so that they don’t have time for mischief.
“Children are not the same anymore, they have no respect for their parents or teachers. We have to hope that in the next five years that we will still have teachers so that our children can learn,” she said.
Mitchell’s Plain Cluster Community Police Forum (CPF) hairman, Rafique Foflonker, said it is vital for a domestic violence victim to develop an exit plan before they left their abusive partner. This can be discussed and planned with a police officer or CPF member, he said.
“Men can also become victims of gender-based violence. Victims can also become perpetrators because of years of built-up frustration so one day you just snap and attack the perpetrator. That is why you must get help before it’s too late. Make a decision to get out of the situation. Develop an exit plan. Pack a bag of clothes and (get a) place with a family member. Get a protection order. Get a CV sorted and open a bank account,” he said.
Lansdowne police station’s spokesman, Sergeant Nkululeko Mnyaka, said that it was important to know that a gender-based violence victim can ask for a male or female police officer to talk to in their preferred language. He said that if victims are not comfortable with speaking at the desk they can be taken to the victim support room.
“Don’t keep it in, come out with it and get help. Some people are scared of our uniform, so if you want to speak in the victim support room you can. You have the right to support and to ask the police officer assisting you for their name. They know they must have a name tag.
“Women can be the perpetrators too. Sometimes victims are not ready to give a statement when we attend to a domestic abuse scene so what we do in that case is report what we see in the house and the detective will come back and interview the victim at a later stage when you are calm and ready,” he said.
Charmaine Cupido from Delft, told her story about domestic violence at the hands of her husband who she was married to for 30 years.
She said that the abuse stemmed from her childhood when she didn’t know who her father was and was looking for a male figure to replace him with so when she met her husband she found that in him and although the abuse started when they were dating, she got married in the hope that he would change and that she could make him love her.
“When I was at high school he helped me a lot. I admired the way be played dice. I thought that is what a real man looked like, I confused the powers, man versus might, and that is where I went wrong there.
“My mom was mentally sick, so I was also carrying all of that baggage. The thing about women is that we are loyal and will always try our best. He helped me and I paid him back for 30 years,” she said.
The abuse started with her husband who was her boyfriend at the time smacking her. When she got home, her mother would beat her too.
She said that was the downfall of the community; hitting instead of talking or explaining why you were upset or what the child did wrong. She said part of why she stayed was because she had no support. She was isolated in Delft, far away from anyone she knew and when the abuse peaked her neighbours started closing their doors, scared that she and her five children would run to their homes for refuge.
“It is therefore important to look deeper at why people are the way they are because of what they have had to endure in their lives.
“As a young child I had to be a mother to my sister, something that also affected me. The cycle of abuse is so intoxicating – one day he hit me, the next he brought me ice cream. I was addicted to the abuse. He helped me through high school, so I had to pay with sex. I drowned in the situation I was in but I am so thankful that I didn’t turn to drugs,” she said.
She said the thing about abuse was that even when the physical scars healed, the mental trauma was still there.
“You want to leave, the door is open and he is gone, you can go, but you can’t move. He left but you are still there. Where do you go? I lost my worth and my power. My situation had me. I believed I could change him and make him love me. I later found out that he was abused as a child, and I had to pay the price for that. I knew I had to survive for my kids,” she said.
Ms Cupido’s oldest child became involved in gangsterism because of the abuse. She said her children were ashamed and embarrassed and her son sought refuge in a gang. One Sunday evening her son was shot and killed and that was the eye-opener for Ms Cupido that she needed to get out before her other children would have the same fate.
She said women go back because of what they endure at police stations when reporting crimes.
“There is nothing in Delft, no safe houses. We need to empower women to take their own power back. Community leaders must be the survivors of the abuse, not people who know nothing about what we come from,” she said.
Doctor Janine Josias, from the Thuthuzela Care Centre at Karl Bremmer Hospital, focuses on rape and domestic violence. She said the waiting list for victims to see a social worker could take up to seven months. Victims had to wait too long for services and that is why many of them don’t report crimes, she said. There is lots of work for SAPS to do because people were still being victimised in a victim support room, she said.
“We need watch dogs every step of the way to make sure that people are doing their jobs properly. Many people don’t want to go to the police station, so you can come to us.
“Thuthuzela is a one-stop station where you will get all the help you need. When you walk out you feel clean and dignified because we do the rape kit, and provide showers and clean clothes for you. We keep evidence the up to three months to give you time to decide if you want to make a case.
“Counselling is so important, we also offer telephonic counselling for those who can’t get off from work,” she said.